It is funny because mostly the people I talk to and including myself get stuck in a rut whilst struggling to make sense of why the people around them behave in a certain way that subsequently make them feel x, y and z. They focus on analysing their feelings as a measure against someone else’s actions and therefore are constantly judging others by the way they make them feel in that moment.
Well, I had a light bulb moment when quite by chance I stumbled across an article that has turned all that around for me so that I now take everyone else out of the equation and focus on only my reaction and no longer on that persons action towards me which has subsequently completely changed the way I choose to react to those that interact with me.
This article was about a woman who was complaining bitterly about her husband who wasn't being attentive enough, who wasn't paying her the attention she felt she deserved, he wasn't doing what she needed him to do around the house or putting enough into the relationship and this in turn was making her feel sad, disappointed, alone, isolated, frustrated, angry, insecure and used.
And so she decided to seek some much needed help and advise from her own inner guidance. She began meditating to connect with her higher self until at last she heard a calm, soothing all familiar loving voice from within that she recognised as coming from her guide. However on expecting much needed support and sympathy from this higher self she was rather unprepared and somewhat disappointed with the advice that came through instead. Much to her surprise she was told that her husband wasn't to be blamed at all as he really wasn't doing anything wrong as it was she that was placing the expectations onto him that she was choosing to react too when he simply didn't or couldn't meet them. The voice went on to explain that if she were to simply take those expectations away from her husband and just except that what he did or gave in any moment was in fact perfect then she would no longer feel disappointed or frustrated.
Well this article hit a real chord within me as I knew how important it was to stay detached from the negative emotions that I would get from or because of other people and I also knew how important it was to work on staying positive to create a more balanced and peaceful existence. What I couldn’t figure out was how to avoid getting those negative emotions in the first place that were caused as a direct result of other peoples negative actions towards me. Well this article explained it all so clearly to me – that it is all about shifting ones attention off those people and their actions by simply not judging them as being right or wrong in any situation which would in turn take away all the negative and stressful feelings that come with failed expectations.